When I first met my best friend, Carrie, in our very early teens, I was struck by so many things. For starters, she wore make-up, always accessorized her outfits (which she designed and made herself) perfectly and she wore nail polish … all things that, as an eclectic beach girl, I did not do.
When I met her family, I was in love. Her mom was so poised, beautiful and warm, and she welcomed me with open arms. I instantly became one of the daughters (she had two more and a son). I adored her and she truly was family … my kids even called her grandma. Sadly, Carrie’s mom passed away a few years ago, but she left an amazing legacy of family and inclusiveness.
THE POWER OF FAMILY
by Carrie Davich
I am lucky enough to be a part of a large, close family. There are 13 cousins on my mom’s side and 13 on my dad’s, with four of those being myself and my siblings. I stay in touch with many of the cousins on my mom’s side, but it is my dad’s side to which I feel the strongest bond. We are the only family that moved away when I was a kid, but we would go back every year for holidays and summer trips, which has created great memories and a life-long connection between the cousins. My grandma was a very strong women, who we all adored. Family was a top priority for her, and we were all raised to look out for each other. My aunts were instrumental in making sure my siblings and I were always included, so even though we had moved away, we stayed connected to the family.
Over the years there have been weddings, Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, and other family events that have brought us together … but life has a way of sucking us into our own little world and time just passes by.
Recently there was a family tragedy that brought us together again, and I was reminded how strong and amazing my family is, how lucky I am to be apart of this family and what a rare gift it is.
One of my cousins has three boys, the oldest of which just graduated from college at the end of May. My cousin and her husband, along with her sister and her husband and one other couple, went on a 50th birthday trip to Europe. Her oldest son (22 years old) was left at home in charge of the two younger brothers. Three days after my cousin left for Europe, the oldest son and brother in charge went on a long hike in the high summer heat, and, for still unexplained reasons, was found dead, sitting up in a chair in front of the TV, later that night by one of his friends. There were no signs of drugs or alcohol, and his sudden death is awaiting the autopsy results.
Once the in town family was informed of this horrific news, the next thing was to get in touch with his parents in Europe. It was the middle of the night and no one was answering their phones. Finally, the husband of the third couple answered at 2 a.m. in the morning. He woke his wife and then they woke my other cousin (the sister of the mother) and her husband. Before they woke the parents, my cousin’s husband insisted they have a plan before telling the parents this horrible, life changing news.
These two couples sat up there rest of the night changing all flights and cancelling the rest of the trip so when they woke the parents with this sad news, all they had to do was pack their bags and get to the airport. This story struck me as the epitome of family looking out for each other … protecting the parents from the pain for as long as they could and letting them sleep for what may be the last peaceful night they would have for a long time.
My husband and I traveled to attend the funeral, there was no question that I would be there for my family. My sister and brother also attended, and my sister and I instantly joined in with the other female cousins and sisters of the family by surrounding and protecting the grieving mother – it was like we had always been there, and I just felt so at home. There was so much unconditional love that I was slightly overwhelmed by it all. To witness how the family all moved in to full protection mode was so beautiful.
In thinking about all of this, I’ve realized how grateful I am that my husband and I have been lucky enough to have created such a family nest for our own children. Family doesn’t always have to be blood, but it’s the people you choose to share your life with, raise your kids with, and invest time and unconditional love in nurturing these bonds. I am lucky to have these childhood cousins, aunts and uncles to call on in a time of need, and I am so fortunate to also be extremely close to my own siblings.
In addition, I have an extended group that truly is my family as well. Many of you may know that Mary Beth and I have been best friends since we were 13 years old; and we have been so, so fortunate to live in the same town and raise our kids together. Her kids really are nephew and nieces to my husband and me, as mine are to them. It gives me great comfort to know my kids not only have their ”blood” cousins, but also this extended nest of people who truly do love and support each other without judgement.
As I think back on how this has evolved over the years my conclusion is that we all just showed up for each other. Sometimes that’s all you have to do – show up and be present for the happy and sad occasions, which I know is not always easy to do, but it does pay off.
Mary Beth. I just wanted to say hello. I’m sure you probably don’t remember me, but I’m sure you remember my grandparents. Ma and pa Jose. They would always talk about you and follow your career as best they could. It’s always nice to see family doing as well as you have.
It was lovely to read your best friend’s blog Mary Beth, you are really blessed to have such a long lasting friendship.
MaryBeth,
I think I remember an episode of Days in the 80’s where Steve thought Kayla was pregnant and he was freaking out. Kayla had purchased some baby clothes which made Steve jump to the wrong conclusion. Kayla said they were for her friend Carrie – does my memory serve me correctly?
Yes, I did say Carrie. 🙂
I love this post by you and Carrie! You two truly have an amazing friendship. It is a gift when your friendship turns into family. Carrie is so right in the fact that family doesn’t have to mean you are blood related. It is the people you wish to share your life with.
Having never lived near family, growing up or even now, we always considered our close friends as our family. One of my best friends and I have known each other for about 40 years. Unfortunately, we haven’t seen each other in several years, but we know that if we needed the other, we would be there.
I am so sorry for Carrie’s loss. It is incredible how family comes together to support each other in times of happiness and loss.
Thank you both for sharing your stories.
Thank you for this weeks blog. My niece passed away two days ago unexpectedly at the age of 27. She was in a drug recovery program and trying to make a better life for her and her little boy. We are broken hearted but pulling together as a family to get through this. Thanks for your thoughts. Families are forever. ❤
Carrie,
I am so very sorry for your family’s tragic loss. Having that support system makes a big difference. God Bless…
Love the unconditional love with family and chosen family. You are lucky to have such. Friendship
I truly loved this Mary Beth!….I loved hearing Carrie’s story of family weather it’s by blood or friendship!…I am so happy that you have this lifelong friendship with Carrie that is truly a family relationship!…this was such an inspiring blog…i loved it!….please treasure your special friendship with her always!….so so thankful that you and Carrie shared this with us fans!….i am so sorry for her loss….but I thank u for sharing everything with your special fans!
Carrie, that was very kind of you to share your loving family and tragedy with MBE’s fans. There is no worse tragedy then losing a child. Your cousins, the parents , who lost their beautiful son have a long and bumpy road ahead of them. They are so fortunate to have such a large extended family that handled all the details and gave them that one last night of sleep.
Your story made me cry because I know what it is like to lose a son. There will be a time in the future when the parents will enjoy talking about their child and remembering the good times. In the future the two worst times will be the anniversary of their son’s death and his birthday.
I did not have a large family to surround me but had very special friends/family who were there for me. I had to be very strong since my son left a beautiful wife and two girls age 2 and 3.5 years old. Both my son’s married into wonderful families and their in laws stepped up and became my family. I could not have survived those first couple of years without their strength and support.
It is family and friends who get you through this experience and I truly believe some friends are family. I know you have at least two talented musicians in your family. My special song is one from josh groban’s album called To Where You Are. Whenever I need a special time with my son I connect with this song. The words, ” you are only a breath away and you are my forever love give me great comfort.
May your family continue to set such a beautiful example to the next generation of cousins that family sticks together through the beautiful moments and life’s tragic moments. You never have to worry about saying the right thing- just be there for each other.
Barb
So sorry Barb. You are one brave mama and grandma!
Thank – you! Sometimes things happen and you go on automatic. My son went into the hospital with pneumonia and two weeks later he died he died of lymphoma. My daughter in law and I became a tight team in those 2 weeks. My son was in coma by the time I got to NJ. Right before he died I told him I would always look after my girls. I am very proud of my girls. I only wish is she would remarry because that is what my son would want for his girls. Loss is always hard but letting in special people helps you survive and move forward.
Your daughter-in-law is so very lucky to have you. Everything you’ve done has come from an unselfish, loving heart.
@ Stacey, thank-you. As you know sometimes bad things happen to good people that makes no sense. My son was hospitalized with pneumonia and died 2 weeks later of stage 4 lymphoma. Each year I try to do something to honor his memory and that helps. Carrie and MB were so generous to share their history. They have a loving and unique friendship that has enriched both their lives and gives us all insight into the importance of friendships and family.
Mary Beth,
Love the friendship you share as well as the “family”. I know what it is like to have a large family (17 cousins on my dads side and 23 on my moms) and we were all raised very close to each other and Heaven helps went to church together taking up 4 pews We have fought, cussed and loved each other through the best and worst of times. I wouldn’t trade it for the world and we make time now to ensure that our children know that closeness. When my brother suddenly passed away my cousins and famy like Carrie’s rallied around to comfort and share the loss and we realized then that we had to make time to be family. My parents also had foster kids that my they raised so there were several non blood family members and of course our chosen family we have strived hard to keep in contact with. FAMILY is what makes the good times BEST and the worst of times BETTER. You and Carrie are lucky and your families are so close that you have unconditional love and understanding and know that you are always there for each other and your famies
Once again thank you for sharing this PLANK blog makes my heart happy to see others love unconditionally. Cindy
Mary Beth,
This is such a great post! I really enjoyed hearing Carrie’s story as well. I always believe that family is super important, and I really enjoy that both of you share the same thoughts! Your friendship with Carrie is inspiring, and that your kids are so close is fantastic💕
A very lovely blog. Family is so very important and yes it is true that you don’t necessarily need to be related. Curious if you met at school? I know some of my closest friends I met in school and consider them family.
You are very lucky to have this long lasting friendship!
Such an inspiring story ❤️
Mary Beth,
Is your friend related to Marty Davich who wrote the beautiful love song for Kayla and Patch back in the day? I wrote to him to ask for the music and lyrics as I was a voice major and I wanted to sing it. He wrote back to me and let me know he could provide the lyrics but not the music….and he did. Just wondered …I have no idea if that is a common last name, or not? Best, the Mom of lil Patch who met you and Stephen in Parsippany NJ in 1988 !!
Yes, Cindi, my friend Carrie is married to Marty. I introduced them!