If you follow me on Instagram, you might have seen that we celebrated three birthdays in our family this past week – my youngest son, my daughter and me. Birthdays celebrations have always been a big deal for my husband and me – from the very beginning when he was just my boyfriend. Back then, he would come home in the evening and tell me to go in the other room and wait for him to let me know when it was “safe” to come back. I would hear him wrapping presents and blowing up balloons, it was so darn sweet I (almost) didn’t even need any presents. So began the tradition …
Nowadays, even though our birthdays are so close, we rarely combine celebrations – instead, each person has his or her special day, when all the attention in on them. That makes for a lot of cake, wine and food –sometimes in that order.
My husband has always been a generous and thoughtful gift giver, and while I must confess that he doesn’t do the balloon part anymore, he always goes the extra mile. This year he found wines in our birth years, which certainly added to the party!
As our children have gotten older, we have encouraged them to give gifts from the heart too. Especially in their financially strapped lives! It may sound silly but writing a poem, making a special meal or planning a picnic – anything that takes a little thought and planning – makes the biggest difference in the world!
In addition to my family celebration, I have a tradition with my closest girlfriends too. For each of our birthdays, we go out for a nice lunch and then follow that with a day at the spa. These days have become a highlight of every year – what a great way to celebrate each other and our special friendships!
I have a friend whose husband never buys her anything for her birthday, and I know there are many mates (and friends) who don’t take the time to celebrate each other or find special gifts. I know this can cause hurt feelings, and over the years can lead to resentment. But you can rise above it! Sometimes people just don’t know how to be good gift givers, or realize that being a gift giver doesn’t have to mean spending tons of money. Old habits die hard, but maybe by setting a new example, you can change the tide … or, at the very least, take a baby step in a different direction. Give it a try!
What a lovely family you have Mary Beth. I must confess that my family or should I say my husband and I are guilty of the no gift thing. We have never felt the need to buy gifts, we just have a special evening together, but i really like your idea about buying or doing something personal, I think it is something we should maybe think about starting. I love seeing all your pictures of your family and enjoy watching your performances on TV and internet (The bay)
I love how you make each birthday special-we have 4 birthdays in 3 days in our family!-My husbands and our 3 children. Sometimes we feel over it but I make sure each person has an individual celebration and cake. Many times people have suggested that I combine the celebrations but I feel that would be unfair. So while the week often exhausts us all (especially me) I will ignore those suggestions and celebrate each occasion separately with all the bells and trimmings over a few days.
This really spoke to me today, MB. I have really enjoyed seeing your b-day celebrations on Instagram and love that you’ve shared that with us. It did occur to me that you had alot of close b-days in your family but no real combining, and I loved that your approach so much mirrored my own. Because I always take the time to make sure the people I care about know I’m thinking of them on their b-day, and I take very special care with my husband and son. More probably than they do with me, but that’s ok, I’m not in it for the reciprocation (but someone does need to tell my husband that I am done with techie gadgets now). My husband’s b-day is December 21st, and I make a huge deal of his every year, because his family never did. He always got shafted, never really had parties as a kid, and even as an adult he gets passed over quite alot. It’s hard, because our anniversary, Xmas, Hanukkah (we’re Cashews over here), and his bday are all in that same month, but since the day we got together I always made sure to carve out that time and give it to only him, because everyone should feel special on their birthday.
Then there’s my son. He’s an only child, and he was born 9 days after my birthday. So, I want to be sure I don’t steal his thunder, or at the very least, I never combine. He gets his own day, and I really make it special. I think many people would consider what I do for him every year over the top. But it’s not about the money and how much I can spend. I’m not saying I don’t sometimes spend way too much (cuz OMG), it’s just that what I end up spending is a means to an end — that end being something very special for that one day that no one’s ever getting back. When he turned 4, that was the only time he was going to turn 4, and it was also the only time I would have a child turning 4. And onward and upward now here at age 10. It is extremely important to me that his parties are special and that I make these memories for him, cuz he’s the only one there is, and I want him to hang on to them. I feel like I’m droning on here, but I wanna just share two very special bdays we had for him. Two years ago we did a Harry Potter party, complete with four classes and butterbeer. We hand-delivered every single invitation via Owl Post. I had live animals for “Care of Magical Creatures” class, a real live Quidditch team from two local colleges (I swear to you, this is a real and accredited sport now run by the US Quidditch League, USQ). Every kid got their own wand, they got sorted into houses, and I made scarves for them — I wish I could attach photos — in their house colors. That cost me so much that I stopped counting. But it was the best day of his life, and he still talks about it, and I see his classmates wearing their scarves when I go to school. On the other end of the spectrum was this past year, we did backyard movie night. It’s September so chilly here, so I hand made 40 no-sew blankets to snuggle in during the movie in all kinds of colors as the goodie bag, and the kids went ape for them. The total cost here was pretty low, even with all the blankets (fleece is cheap), but the excitement he had for his movie night with his friends and the draped sheet and the projector could fill a castle.
Giving gifts and celebrating bdays from the heart is so important. to me. I spend alot of time thinking about these things so that they’re about that person. Being from the heart does not mean from the wallet, though sometimes those two things do meet. But I loved this post, it really spoke to me!
I need to do better at this. My son (10) has an October birthday and even though it’s at the height of sports, work, etc., it always seems to work. My youngest son (8) has a birthday 5 days before Christmas and I always struggle to make sure it’s a special day but it’s difficult. It’s hard to get his friends together because of the holidays and I hate to ask parents to purchase yet another gift. Luckily, he has the sweetest nature and never gets upset. But it leave me feeling inadequate each December….