Last week I read a blog that I found interesting and thought I would share.

EXERCISE PARTY
by Monica Davis (http://monicalorandavis.tumblr.com)

I exercise a lot. I exercise as a job and I exercise for fun.  I exercise in the morning and I exercise at night, sometimes both in one day if I’m feeling sassy!

I wasn’t always a fit little lady.  Some days, I don’t consider myself a fit person at all.  I call those days my ‘fat days’ and that’s not kind to myself or to people who are actually fat.  And fuck it, I’ll say ‘fat’ because lots of fat people are owning that word because they’re taking the power back, like ‘queer’ and what not.

But also, self-doubt is part of who I am.  Not like it’s something I’m proud of, but I guess it’s something I’m not not proud of because I try and love myself through and through.  Like a tedious government form, I try to check all the boxes when I’m doing my self-love inventory.  “Weird feet?” Love those.  “Unfounded jealousies?” Love those.  “Dark black chin hairs?” Yup, love those too.

Self-love is one of those things that I find gets easier the more I practice it.  And it’s definitely not one of those things that comes easily to me like showering every day, which, apparently lots of people don’t do, even though, in post-college life we have grown-up jobs and such.

So I spend a lot of time journaling, and meditating, and working out in order to get my motor running.  (And by motor, I mean the spirit-boner that lives in my heart.)  Because as ladies, and ladies in entertainment, and ladies in entertainment who are women of color, we are picked and prodded, and worst of all, compared to everyone else.  And, naturally, comparisons happen in any field.  (Pepsi challenge. Google vs. Bing.  Clinton vs. Trump. (!!!!!))  But, as an actress, I’m compared to women who are genetically different than me and I’m expected to be a certain size.  And it doesn’t really matter that it’s not easy for me because nothing in this showbiz thing is easy.

But it dawned on me, what if I stopped trying to work out to be something thinner? Leaner?  Whiter?  What if I just worked out because I loved it?  Because I do.  I genuinely am someone who loves exercise and scoff at that if you want.   But I love it for the same reason that I love performing.  It just makes me feel good.

There are other really great reasons why I like exercise.  It clears my head.  It gives me strong legs and a flat stomach.  It teaches me discipline and what hard work feels like.  It makes me grounded, and aware, and in touch with my body. It also clears my skin.

But the crappy part is, I can’t work out and get Hollywood skinny.  That comes with eating a lot less than I’m comfortable with.  And I don’t know if I’m ok with sacrificing food to be something other people want me to be, especially when I like what I look like.

I’m athletic and strong and muscular and awesome.  I’m built for sports.  Do I feel compelled to play them? Hell to the naw.  But I look like a Division I soccer player and that’s fine by me.  When the 2015 Women’s World Cup film gets optioned one day, I’ll be ready and willing to play Hope Solo because, duh.

And what can I do?  Fight biology?  Starve myself?  No. No. NO!!!!!

My body is more Serena Williams than Sienna Miller.  And I’m not even very Serena Williams at all.  I’m just all the way not Sienna Miller.  And who cares?  Not Sienna Miller.  Cuz she’s too busy counting her millions of dollars off of her lover’s abs on a yacht.  And guess what?  I’ll be there too one day.

And it’s not because I worked out all day, every day.  And it won’t be because I starved myself for the last twelve years.  It will be because I really love myself, through and through.  Because people like looking at other people who really like themselves.  Just walk down the street and see where your eye wanders.  If you’re like me, you’ll clearly notice the guy who walks with a stick up his butt but don’t fixate on him, otherwise, he might try and talk to you and you’ll have to fumble on your phone and, just don’t.

But find the person who likes their body and shines through their skin.  Look on TV and watch the actors on your favorite show.  They could never hide themselves and be on those shows.  There’s just too much exposure.  They shoot you from behind, and the side, and diagonally, and through people’s legs and if you were unhappy with your body you would be such a pain on set, you would never work again!

And I know that’s true.  I don’t know much, but I know people like other people who like themselves.  And if working out has taught me anything, it’s taught me that you can work on yourself.  And you can leave the gym feeling accomplished and good.  At least for an hour a day.  And that’s big.

It’s not sexy-lovers-on-a-yacht big, but it’s on the path of sexy-lovers-on-a-yacht big, and as long as yachts are in the picture, I think I’m doing something right.

If you’re moved or inspired by Monica’s words, check out her blog and let her know!

Until next time!

Mary Beth